Revelation

I know what I want to do with my life.

I want to make a difference.

Yes, I know, that phrase is definitely overused, much like "I love you," or " You don't even reckanize!" but it is honestly the only way to describe what I want to do in my life.

I want to be a valuable mentor to the youth, because I believe that having mentors who continuously support you and believe in you can make you into an entirely different individual. I want to be a Mr. Tozzie, a Ms. Pryor, and an Uncle Donald to kids out there; I want them to have the same guidance that I had because I know that with a little prodding, they can go far.

An Open Letter

Dear School,

I will kick your ass.

I promise.

Love,

Bianca

"I am Harmony."

It's hard to be diplomatic when people look down on you. Like you're not their equal.

I believe myself to be a pretty agreeable person; in fact, Strengths Finder rated "HARMONY" as my top strength when I took the survey over the summer. But even the most harmonious person will have a hard time dealing with those who are high-maintenance and self-centered. 

Maybe I have not been exposed to different types of people, but I really find it hard to understand HOW and WHY people come to be so self-centered. It's not my business to know you're business; nor do I want it to be. No thank you. I have my own issues to mind.

I hate that I can't speak up. I hate that I care about getting along with everyone. I've asked too many people, "Why can't I be like you?" Why can't I just speak up for what I truly feel and believe? Why can't I just not give a fuck whether you get mad or not? Why can't I just be SELFISH (like you) every once in a while? 

If I don't change, I'll probably get stomped on. If I trap this side of me to mere writing, I know that people will take advantage of me. Like they are now. So from now on, consider myself a changed person. Fuck niceties.   

In Memoriam

It is a huge coincidence, I believe, that I began re-reading Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close at midnight last night - September 11th, 2008. To those (unfortunate people) who have not read the book, it's about 9-year-old Oskar Schell, whose father died in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. His father leaves behind several clues that send Oskar on a scavenger hunt of sorts throughout New York City, and in the process he meets different people who have survived tragedies of their own.

I think it's the most humane of all the books I've read, and it really gets you to think. One of my favorite passages talks about how life...in itself is a burning building. Once you're born, it's all downhill from there. You're slowly dying every single minute.

It's the most truthful of all the books I've read as well. Since it's written in a 9-year-old's point of view, the straightforward comments are abundant, and Oskar completely disregards political correctness. 

What's taboo in society is talked about as well. For me, death is an extremely sensitive topic, but Foer just delves right into its heart - its truths, its myths, and its very real effects on the living. Despite this seeming complexity, Foer actually succeeds in simplifying death.

On the way to Oskar's father's funeral, he comments on the limousine that they're riding in: '"Now that I'm thinking about it...they could make an incredibly long limousine that had its back seat at your mom's VJ and its front seat at your mausoleum, and it would be as long as your life.'" 

Isn't this incredible simplicity horrifying? To sum up life like that...it makes you realize that the petty things that we care about don't really matter in the greater scheme of things. 

Just For Laughs

This is my current wallpaper. It's made of win and awesome.

GO BEARS! :D

No Mercy.

I love Cal, but it's location leaves much to be desired. I was at the AT&T store on Shattuck today, waiting for someone to talk to me about my malfunctioning phone. There were an awful lot of high school kids out and about, I observed. It must've been their lunch break or something, because it was high noon. 

But anyways, I was just waiting in line, when all of a sudden a scuffle erupts right outside the store! You could see everything through the glass windows; at least six guys ganged up on one person. The culprits were wearing white shirts and red baseball caps, and their victim was clad in black. They just beat him down - they punched, kicked, stomped. No mercy. 

I just stood there - a good ten feet away from them, protected by that glass door. I wanted to scream, I wanted to tell them to stop, but I was frozen. How could I help when I was paralyzed with fear? 

What if they had weapons with them? What if they had a gun? The store's door was wide open; they could've easily just walked in and killed whomever they pleased. 

But finally they stopped. The other people from the store started yelling at the boys, telling them to break it up and that they'd call the cops. I think the culprits ran away, and I stayed in the store for a good 15 more minutes after the incident, but no cops came. 

There was no bleeding. Bruises, probably. I never really got a good look of anyone involved, probably because I got so scared. 

I just have no idea why a group of high school kids would just do that out in the open - in broad daylight. What the heck were they thinking? Were they really that mad at that person? What could he have possibly done?

Gangs probably play a factor into this whole mess too. What the fuck? I am just at a loss for words. I really cannot comprehend why some people would resort to these sorts of things. I cannot understand their mindset - their desire to get in trouble and stay in trouble. What moves them to do so?

After that incident, I thought...Shit. I don't think I'd want my siblings to go to Berkeley. I thought of suburban communities in UC Irvine, San Diego, and Stanford...and I thought...wow. Where do you draw the line between safety and academics? 

I don't know. I just feel like Berkeley is isolated in its haven of outstanding academia while the high school down the street wallows in crime, low test scores, and continuous failure. Isn't there an irony here somewhere?

Soundtrack for My Movie

Life would be so much better if I had my own soundtrack. 

I was walking back to our apartments from Dwinelle today, and I was listening to Lara Fabian's version of "Broken Vow." I looked around and realized that I'd have some fun by making my own music video right then and there - with my eyes as the recording device. 

Picture a lush scenery - green trees kissed by afternoon sunlight; then the camera pans upwards to a view of clear blue skies. Now you see a lonely girl sitting under a tree, her face still and lifeless, her eyes staring ahead but really looking at nothing. A cyclist rushes past, and the wind he creates moves my hair. It moves with the wind. And I keep walking.

Dramatic, isn't it? I swear, I'm not making up the part about the lonely girl. She was right there. :)

Why?

This space has become intimidating. 

Pwnd.

I got pwnd today. =/ Copy editing is some very cereal business. I think there's a very slim chance of me actually getting the job at The Daily Cal, but I'll still turn in my resume (with a cover letter!).  

Anypoo, my brother is in Japan! Woot. :] I'm so jealous.