Money for Nothing

I am on the final leg of this internship, and I am proud (and relieved?) to say that I've survived.

In many ways, it's been a marathon of an experience - a marathon of...finding ways to keep busy and to look busy, of pretending that what I'm doing really makes a difference, of cranking out impressive projects despite a lack of drive and an excess of procrastination, and of realizing that the energy industry - significant, powerful, wealthy, and frightening though it may be - is not for the likes of me (whew, that sentence was a marathon in itself!).

That this company's influence worldwide is immense, is undebatable. Its power reaches across continents, and it calls on only the most talented to steer its course.

Would it be possible to find a job in this huge company that would allow me to apply my psych degree?

Yes, most likely. HR and whatnot.

Will I ever be good enough to make my mark here?

Yes, in time, I think so.

Does it pay well?

Uhm. Well, let's put it this way. If they pay interns $3500 a month, just think of how much the real employees get paid. (Dang.) So the answer would be a resounding YES.

Lastly, is it rewarding? Will I be happy here?

...

Okay, so I guess here's how I'll phrase it: "This internship was a great learning experience. It opened up opportunities in an industry that I never really thought would have a place for me."

Save that. For the resume. And for the interviews.

I'd be lying to myself if I said I'd be walking away from this experience having learned NOTHING about myself. On the contrary, I think I learned a lot:

Maybe the corporate setting isn't for me. The 9-hour days spent in front of computer screens are physically and emotionally exhausting. Cubicles are oppressive; keyboards and mice are instruments of torture (WMDs); and if laminating 4x2 cards is the highlight of my day, I know I need to get the hell away. And quickly.

I'm never, ever gonna be interested in maintaining service stations, car washes, or refineries. Surveying every single detail in a convenience store is never gonna be my calling. And analyzing the height of my $800 chair and the angle of my seat pan is not something I want to do for a minute, let alone for the rest of my career.

This is why, in college, we pursue what we want to pursue. We chase our dreams and search for our callings, hoping that the learning experiences we have in college will somehow resemble what we face in the real world.

I am shaping my path now. Since I want to stay in academia, I am minoring in Education. And since I give a damn about politics and want to continue giving a damn, I'm minoring in Public Policy as well. The pieces are barely falling into place, but I hope that whatever happens...I won't have to go back to what I'm doing right now - updating my blog at work and not even slightly caring about what I actually need to be doing (putting up flu prevention posters in the breakrooms).

Two months ago, if you would've asked me to choose between money and my passions, I would be quick to say that I'd pick my passions no matter what. I believe in this now more than ever.

I've met quite a few people in my life who honestly believe that pursuing careers for money's sake is the way to go (Not gonna lie. Sadly, I have little patience and respect for these types of people.), and before...I'd just blow a fuse and launch a tirade on them. Now, I just feel...sorry for them. Because honestly, what's the point in your existence if you're working towards the destination and not even enjoying the journey?

Damn.

For two months of drumming my fingers on this table, that's pretty fucking deep.