Anticipation

Friends, expect to hear this reason for my flakiness for the next 8 months:

"I can't. I'm watching the game."

It's not just for guys anymore.

Peace. :)

& Anticipation.

The NBA is upon us.

What Haunts Me Most...

I need to step back from everything,

reflect,

and retain.

This semester has been nothing but MEDIOCRE,

and that is utterly

unacceptable.

I want

another perfect semester.

I need

to prove to myself that it's gonna happen again,

not because the stars were aligned,

but because I worked my ass off.

I won't let that be the first and last time.

The Dean's List is gonna have to make a spot for me.

Again.

Fuck this mediocrity.

I know I can do better.

And I'm starting now.

The Fisherman Song

*Edit: OMG, this song is dripping with religious allusions. I love it even more. :) You've outdone yourself with this one, boys.

"The Fisherman Song (We All Need Love)"

by Mae (duh)

Tonight I find it hard to sleep,

each sound and squeak I hear

keeps me staring at the ceiling.

Oh, it's dark as night outside

and I can't stand the quiet it brings me.

And I've got too much on my mind,

I think it's time to take a drive

and leave it all behind.

I've got a song that's halfway there

and I think it needs the ocean air.

I'm going to grab my guitar

and get in my car.

Oh, I need some understanding.

I need a little love.

Gonna speed down to the ocean side

in a race with the stars above.

With my guitar in hand

and toes touching the sand,

I can see the sun is coming.

Colors fill and crack the sky

with purple, silver, and golden light,

drawing the day from night.

On the shoreline a fisherman

with bait in his line

and a rod in his hand

is ready to greet the day.

He turns around to notice me

and the two of us

are patiently waiting for the sun's rays.

Oh, I just need some understanding

and a little love.

And somehow I am thinking now

I could get what I've been dreaming of.

But this fisherman is closing in,

I think he could be crazy.

He says,

"Won't you ride with me,

oh I could use the company.

I've got a fish to catch

and you have got a song to sing."

His eyes were anchors as the boat would sway,

"What would you like to say?

You have my attention."

"I see you came out here to write your song,

but you don't have too long,

so show me what you're working with.

I'd like to give you a little something

and you may think it's nothing on first listen:

In the time it takes for you to make love,

you could break love, waste love,

and throw it all away.

But all you need is faith,

and hope will bring a brighter day.

And every time that you love,

let it lift someone else up.

If somebody tries to burn you,

give him your hand in turn

and pick him up when he's all alone.

Now if you find yourself getting frustrated,

try not to get too jaded,

or you could go 'insane' like me."

"I tell you man, you must be crazy.

Or am I always lazy when it comes to love?

With every failure and turning tide

I toss the boomerang, but ah,

it never comes back to me.

So have some faith you say,

and hope will find it's way?

Well, I doubt what you're sure of then.

And it seems to me

the greatest of these is love...

but it's so hard to love."

Well, we were sitting on his boat,

our backs to each other,

he was giving me a little time.

And all that he said

was hurting my head,

wondering how to leave the selfishness behind.

All that I could say is:

"It's so hard to love...

the way that you want me to."

I stepped off the boat and thanked the man,

not sure what I was thankful for.

When I turned back around to see him again,

he was already gone.

Walking back from the water to my guitar,

that's when the light came on.

I knew what he was talking about,

I knew how to finish my song.

Oh, I just need some understanding.

I need a little love.

And I want to sing my song to somebody

who doubts what they're made of.

Oh, we all need some understanding.

We all need love.

We all need love.

Destination: Beautiful

On a Rainy Day

Finding sanctuary in the music library, I look out the water-stained window to observe.

It's an outright war out there. My peers dodge left and right, side-stepping puddles and slippery concrete. In the sea of umbrellas, a handful give in, folding outwards to succumb to the rain's relentless downpour. It's quite obvious that we're losing.

But the destruction is beautiful. Water droplets form white sheets of virtual bullets. How can something so beautiful be so...destructive?

Rainstorms always remind me of home. I was happier to see rainy days because that meant classes would be canceled. My siblings and I would stay home, doing absolutely nothing as we waited for the electricity to come back on, snacking on what should have been our days' baon. Those were happier times. Now, I realize that my rainy day celebrations equated to the complete upheaval of the lives of other families.

(Eerie: Pandora just started playing Rihanna's "Umbrella.")

I still wish for it to rain, don't get me wrong. Being in California would be utterly unbearable if everyday was just so sickly sunshine-y (Seattle, anyone?). I guess I'm just not too blatant about it anymore. :)

Someone to Gush Over

Met Gabe Bondoc today.

I managed to stammer, "Thanks for coming."

:(

I'm a dork.

Sigh.

Check him out, though. I know I did. Hah.

Ugh.