Up

Pixar is veering further and further away from the laugh riots I was used to.

Although I appreciated Wall-E's intelligent attempts at social commentary (obesity and pollution in particular), I didn't appreciate how...it wasn't laugh-out-loud hilarious like certain parts of Toy Story or even Finding Nemo. All I remember are beeping robots and mountains of trash.

Up lacks the same sense of humor that has historically drawn me to Pixar's movies. It deals with mortality and loneliness in a way that no Disney or Pixar movie ever has, and it is powerful and frightening for that reason.

Nonetheless, it's a deeply beautiful and touching movie. It's a tale of loving to the fullest - and learning to let go when that love has run its course. A new adventure comes after one ends; we just have to learn to look forward and not let the past weigh us down.

PS: Russell made the movie. Is he the first Asian in a Pixar movie? The first Asian Disney character since Mulan? Either way, he's hilarious. He reminds me of my little brother. :)

Summer

Summer so far, summed up in a pie chart.

You Are Who You Are With

More than once I've stopped to wonder who I surround myself with. There are some who spout The Office quotes and Mae lyrics back and forth with me. There are some who challenge me intellectually. There are some who share my passion for giving back. And then there are some who...are so different from me.

I feel myself changing when I'm around them. I downplay my keen observations, I talk about the pedestrian, and I focus on what I think they're interested in. In short, I pander to this crowd. In search of what? Acceptance? Belonging? Understanding?

Sometimes it's hard to even understand why I spend time with these people since I feel like I can't be myself around them. 

But generalization never did anything good for society. And every time I try to walk away, they prove to me that this is worth investing in. 

It'd be interesting to see - maybe 10, 20 years from now - where we all end up as individuals. Rifts exist between us all, and I'm sure they'll manifest themselves as we move forward as adults.

What will we be like in the future? Is this unnamed bond enough to keep us together? Or will our differences tear us apart?

I can't say which I prefer.

Dead to Me

aaand i'm so sick

of being sick

of being caught up

in this

f u c k i n g

(now)

unrequited-ass

love.

it's worse

than

O 
C
D

how i try

to suppress

what's in my head.

give me

a pensieve

so i

can 

make you

d i s a p p e a r

forever,

please.

this hurting

is too much.

this stupidity

is too much.

this repetitiveness

is too much.

if i could

S C R E A M

it all away,

if i could

C R Y

it all away,

YOU

would've been

dead

a year ago.

Illusions

So. Las Vegas. What does Las Vegas mean? A quick Wikipedia consultation yields: "The Meadows." Imagine that. I thought it'd be something raunchier.

The lights were beautiful. The buildings were majestic. The sights fantastic, the people unique, and the atmosphere unbelievable.

All in all, it was so utterly...wasteful. Despite the attractions, the towers, the hotels, the buildings, to me Las Vegas remains a meadow of wastefulness. People go there to forget - their problems, their worries, themselves. 

People go there to waste away. They forget who they are for the sake of quick pleasures, and they leave the city twice as miserable as they were before they came.

Maybe the big names and the bright lights are enough to captivate me for a quick second, but in reality Las Vegas to me is a wasteland. The casinos fill up with people who waste their time and their money, and the sidewalks crowd with tourists who want to be part of the wasteland - that teeming black hole that sucks in the vulnerable.

The sights, the sounds, and the flavors of that weekend were indeed memorable, though fleeting. What I walked away with, however, is something I deem far more valuable than anything in that city of illusions.

--

Dear Friends,

I know I have kept my distance these past few years. For that I am sorry. I let myself become enraptured in a brittle romance, and I let myself believe that I was better off without you.

Thank you for once again taking me in. You are my family. Your roars of laughter are my comfort. Your embraces are my reassurance.

Bianca